But why The #HolyHotHead?

“I get it, Uwem. Healing. Self-care. Whatever. But #holyhothead?! You get more flies with honey, girl!”

Have you ever hushed your emotions and tried to be the version of “godly” that they told you?

And then STILL felt unseen?

Dismissed?

Gaslit?

I did.

When I was 19, I was accused of being disrespectful for asking WHY I wasn’t allowed to wear pants on Sundays.

So I tucked away my hurt feelings and my thoughts. I shushed my own discernment for about 10 years and tried to wear skirts and dresses until I was pregnant and wore what I could.

Have you ever wondered how Jesus offered freedom when church culture feels like a LOOOOONG chain of new shackles?

I realized that something was off when I was wrestling with a broken heart from porn addiction and received the massive blow of learning that one of the church “shepherds” knew about it.

How was he guarding and watching over the flock while having no concern for what this relational assault was doing to my heart and our family?

God held me close for years. Healing my heart. And revealing that it had been broken long before the addiction.

My heart had been broken when I was convinced that I was not enough. It had been broken by decades of conditioning from church leaders who only spoken of my godliness as tied to my ability to OBEY and RESPECT…not God…but MEN.

Have you ever sat with the agony of what 40 more years of that feels like?

I realized that I didn’t have THAT outlook in me.

But choosing healing is to choose defiance when you are in a system that thrives on your brokenness. That’s why I say #HealingIsMyClapBACK. Because it takes so fire and sheer stubbornness to choose to live yourself when church culture, media, family, workplace, everyone despises a woman who loves and chooses to stand up for herself. My journey was not just peace, love, and rainbows, but God was very intentional. I needed to see that I was loved, chosen, gifted, and crafted with a beautiful purpose. Just me.

Not to be Keith’s wife.

Not to be the homeschool mom.

Not to master the art of the church potluck.

But to hold women who have also felt the heartbreak of anti-womanhood. It’s worldwide. Elements exist in every church not just the COC. I needed to heal because He built me to DISRUPT it and be the safe landing for women trying to put the pieces back together.

My discernment ability is more refined than ever and, to love those who are still unable to see it, I say the things I wish I had heard someone say 20 years ago.

I just say it louder so those who have walls up can hear me.

Church culture that resists the innate power of a woman’s voice gets the #holyhothead. Women seeking refuge get the support of someone willing to go toe to toe on their behalf. Because we all need to know someone is willing to stand with us and for us. #imTHATcoach.

I became what I needed so you, me, and my baby girl could feel safe. 🫂

God gave me an assignment and I am really good with assignments. #nerd!

Aggravating Satan’s plan to silence women. The ones he was promised to have enmity with…🤯

There is only one thing rejoicing at your silence…Satan.

That is why HEALING is DISRUPTIVE. It disturbs the whole system built of our submission it it.

God built us to be EZER KENEGDO. Warriors in spiritual battles and the #holyhothead is just that.

So I don’t use honey. I’m God’s battle cry to those with way more power inside of them than they know what to do with.

And I hate flies. 💛

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If you are done with the loneliness of coming out of toxic church culture, send me a DM. Just drop a 💛 and we’ll talk. I am now offering as-needed coaching sessions. A no judgment zone to get things off your heart…The VentSpace 🫂