Are you using God’s words so you can lie to yourself?
I had a therapist who INSISTED that I start journaling to “process my emotions.” I was annoyed. I didn’t need to journal. I could just tell him what I was feeling when I came in. But over time I started to write, but usually only when I was angry.
I was looking at the early months of my journaling once and something stood out to me. Actually what was MISSING stood out to me. I had just learned that my husband had been admittedly ADDICTED to pornography, lusted after strangers regularly, and couldn’t control it.
I would write and tell my therapist all of the ways that I was FINE…all the ways I was so blessed!
And for months, I NEVER mentioned it in my journal. I talked about kids, laundry, dishes, homeschooling, and all the things that were bothering me on the surface, but I resisted the need to address THE THING that was making my whole world crumble.
That is spiritual stoicism.
Showing NO EMOTION as a way of trying to appear spiritually mature but in truth it’s just denial.
It’s super damaging but for those around us, spiritual stoicism is just weird and it pushes people away when we need them most.
I used to hide behind scripture like a PRO!
I’d BIG FLEX and quote a few here and there.
I even know a few Greek words to throw around and solidify that you don’t want none! 😆
But then I realized that I couldn’t say how I really FELT about things.
I couldn’t have big goals because “the love of money is the root of all evil!”
I couldn’t get angry because “be ye angry and sin not!”
I couldn’t get stressed or anxious because “be anxious for nothing!”
I couldn’t worry about anything because “look at the birds! They don’t worry!”
I couldn’t feel sad because no matter how bad things were I was “blessed!”
The list went on and on…decades of Bible teachers denouncing every form of emotion and I was emotionally crippled…spiritual stoicism.
“I am spiritual. Therefore I FEEL NOTHING…but the holy blood of JEEEEEZUZ!”
After years of having scriptures pounded into my mind, I was much too skillful at telling myself all the scriptures to SPIRITUALLY BYPASS my emotions.
The greatest gift that God gave me in the implosion of the first version of our marriage was freeing me to FEEL AGAIN…and deeply.
I felt rage like you wouldn’t believe, but I needed that season to teach me to FEEL and not be afraid of it.
🟡 God heals what we are willing to FEEL. 🟡
So here are my 3 quick tips to begin resisting the urge to spiritually bypass your emotions:
Journal.
Writing your emotions will feel awkward at first. But be honest there. Look up FEELING words and attach them to what you are going through. Use your journal to just begin PRACTICING. And try to avoid the never ending play by play of events and write how you FELT about the events.
Pray.
Start talking to God about your emotions. Let your prayers go where you are trying not to go. God already knows, but He wants YOU to see it, so it’s as clear as sparkling clean glass when He moves to change the circumstances…or YOU!
Talk.
As much as we resist it, talking is healing. We all need safe spaces. That is why I offer VentSpace coaching sessions for leaders. Because we have to feel safe enough to say what REALLY going on and know that we are safe with God and another person. Once we realize that we are safe to go THERE with God and another person, that is when we have the courage and the community to embrace the transformation we crave.
If you have struggled with denying your true feelings, I found an article that will shed a little light on how spiritual bypassing shows up.
Pray about this…
Wrestle with this…
Meditate on this…
God is not afraid of your emotions
…and He expresses the full range in scripture so even in anger, you can still reflect the character of God.
And there is beauty and strength in our ability to be honest and vulnerable about our emotions.
💛🫂
What emotions do you try to scripturize? 🤔
